When Will I See You Again

When will I see you again? This question could’ve been philosophical, but I know the answer ; in 63 days.

I cut you off completely. Surgically, almost. Zero contact. How will it feel to see you? How will you feel when you see me? Are you angry with me, sad to have lost me? Bitter since I packed up my bright eyes and fled to the hills?

I am excited at the thought of seeing you again. Your lovely face, your sweet voice. Oh how I wish we could have been friends. I would run to you, hug you so tightly, inhale your marvelous scent and be allowed to love you for simply being alive.

But that is not the reality. The reality is that we might not even acknowledge each other and long for contact only from a distance. Have 3 years meant so little? Am I ridiculous for wishing you would love me as I am: without you as my other half?

I remember in the beginning of us, when I listened to love sogs that i had never cared for, they suddenly started making sense. Now having gone through the end of us, all the sad songs speak to me. Lauv wrote a song for Julia and it nearly broke my heart. It struck a chord. My soul could barely take it.

I used to joke and tell you that I would never get over you if you ever left me, and I would beg you to stay with me forever. Now, still feeling that I may never be ready to let you go completely, I understand that God has made me stronger than I ever thought I could be.

Perhaps its closure that I crave. Is that why I can’t wait to see you? The last time we spoke I knew that there was nothing more we could say in that moment. But now? After four months? Can we start a new, beautiful conversation? Say the things we should have so long ago, full of respect and awe and honor for each other.

Even if its the last conversation we have, it can leave a wonderful, sweet and ever-satisfying taste in our souls of how we will remember each other for eternity.

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